Ché pas dannnncer, autre chose que le reggae...

Today, reader, comes a new top 5. Might actually become a top 6, who knows. It is now officially my blog's summer of Top 5s. I don't know why, but it's kind of inspiring. Anyway. Today, as I was beginning to say before starting to talk to myself out loud, is the day of the Top 5 things I'd love to do but will probably never happen. Before I even start, I must apologize for this being extremely self-centered and not including "save a life" or "end the plight of baby seals" or "find a cure for cancer". It's just about me, I and myself, and honestly, who cares about anything else ?? Let alone baby seals ???

1. Dancing like a goddess all night long at an Indian wedding, wearing a long and beautiful lenga.
Why it's never going to happen: I love dancing but suspect that I am way less elegant than I hope to be. Troll-dancing won't help me look like Aishwarya Rai. Besides, Indians are not exactly famous for their height, and being the tallest person on a dance floor is every shade of embarrassing. From red to bright red, via a little green.

2. Write a book. Not a famous book that would stay forever and get me a national burial at the Pantheon. Just a cool book that you like reading and then you forget. A seaside book.
Why it's never going to happen: Not patient enough, not focused enough, (I'll forget the "talented" part, of course, since you can get published if you write stuff about reading a tiger's mind and marrying the son of Nikolai II). One of the reasons why I love top 5s is that it's so nice and short.

3. Do that funky sommersault back-flip thing when you start on your feet, go backwards, land on your hands, and end up on your feet again. Love it. Loooove it.
Why it's never going to happen: Well. I sure want to do it, but I'm not sure I want to learn how to do it. And I would have to have a proper occasion, like during a fight against the forces of darkness or something, and then it would end with me holding the small of my back and moaning, or in me kicking myself in the face or something. Might make the forces of evil stop and laugh! Might win me time! Not such a bad idea after all...

4. Run for miles in the rain and knock on my lover's door to tell him I love him and look like a mermaid, with black tears from my eyeliner (the Leona Lewis kind, y'know...), and having a happy ending.
Why it's never going to happen: Do you actually wonder? You don't look like a mermaid after running for miles in the rain, you look like an overused mop, with red eyes like a devilish raccoon. Besides it's cheesy. Cheesy cheesy cheesy. Let him run for miles under the rain. And be cheesy. I'm not letting you in if you're not wearing a white shirt, HA HA HA ! (Yeah. I really am a devilish racoon).

5. Wear black laced boots and a skirt and a long leather jacket and a black umbrella and go walking in the rain like I'm some kind of Trinity-like supergirl.
Why it's never going to happen: Laced boots and a skirt is nice in movies, but in real life, all it does is getting you rude comments from drunks. I mean, I've never done it, but even regular boots and a skirt get you rude comments from drunks, so...

Well there we go. That was my top 5. I'd also like to be an interpreter for Paul Bettany when he wins his Best Actor award at the Canne Film Festival for his role as the "glamorous, folk-singing, dark-suited and witty Persian vampire-warrior" in the movie "300 Bloody Blunders" I've written the scenario of only nobody knows it's me because I've written it anonymously, but that might really happen sooner than you know so I decided against it...