J'ai dix ans...

Hi Reader !

I've been going to the movies on a near-daily basis recently, and yesterday was the turn of "Inkheart", with Paauuuuuuul Bettany.

Paul Bettany, as I might have mentionned before here, is my favourite actor in the whole world. Inkheart, however... how can I put it...

It was part of thoses movies I've seen recently that should have come out years ago. That includes 300 (that should have come out some time around when the movie is supposed to be set, whenever that is (I don't know what it is about BC dates, I don't have any frame of reference, so I won't even venture a guess)) (crap, double brackets ! I'm getting bracket-madness again !), Twilight (which should have come out when I was 13... That would have driven me literally crazy) and some other movies as well.
In fact, now that I come to think of it, if I ever have children, I'll turn them into Paul Bettany fans. I'll brainwash them. I'll call them Paul and Paula (if there are more than two, then I'll add numbers), and when they'll be 5, I'll make them watch Inkheart (though it was not very good, it might seem cool to a five year old).

Then when they turn 12, I'll show them A Knight's Tale, and that will win them over forever.

Then when the Pauls get to 14 or 15 and become completely lame, I'll show them Firewall, I bet they'll find it awesome. Besides, they will like the fact that Han Solo's in it too (yeah, because I'll make them be fans of Star Wars as well !!)

When the Paulas get 16, and they get sweet and cute (yeah, you know how it goes, girls get cute and sweet, boys get lame and stop talking for 6 years). (OK, that about the girls getting cute and sweet was such a blatent lie I won't even try to defend myself. When we turn 14 or 15 we become extremely evil, and start talking non stop in order to fill in the terrible and dreadful void left by the male's trying out sub-sonic level whale language...) Aaaaanyway. When the Paulas get 16, I'll show them Wimbledon, and we'll have ice-cream evenings, dreaming about being 4 feet tall, like Kirsten Dunst, so that we can have the same height ratio, because they're such a cute couple.

Then when they all get rebellious and grungy, I'll fight with them over Dogville and say it's a very sucky movie, and they'll claim it's actually very good, just to annoy me (it is a very bad movie, but I won't go on with the rants, I've gotten angry too many times this year, and you already know my opinion about Dogville !)

Anyway. I'm going to go away now, because I'm dead tired and a second episode of Bones has just started (It's a pretty cool series, that one !), so I guess I'll watch it and try to keep my brain from running through my ears... Not an easy task that one, I can tell you ! Have a good evening !!

And they have a turny button too, and it lies to us

Hi reader !

Just trying the "embed" thing on Youtube !

Have a nice day !

Things will never be the same again

Yeah, I figured quoting the Spice Girls would be a good idea as a title for this post.

You might have heard me, reader, shamelessly spreading rumours about Colin Farrell having failed at the "Backstreet Boys" casting. In order to shamelessly make fun of him. Because he sometimes is ridiculous (Don't ask me why I chose to pick on Colin Farrell and spare all the others. I don't really know anymore. A lame interview in 98 or something...)

I have, in fact, used the sentence "did you know that Colin Farrell had failed at the Backstreet Boys casting" instead of the sentence "Hi, how do you do", for at least two years now. I even risked being beheaded by my friends on several occasions, so fed up were they by my constant reminder of the fact. It was, in short, my favourite piece of information about Hollywood. Even better than "did you know that Princess Leia is in fact the daughter of the cool girl in Singing in the Rain?", which I love too. (I'm not making fun of anyone there, it's just cool, I think.)

And today. Today. Today my world collapsed.

He did not, in fact, fail at the Backstreet Boys casting. He failed at the Boyzone casting. And that too, because he was too famous already and would have cast is magnificient shadow upon his co-boys-banders. You can't see me right now, reader, but I am crying. A simple mistake in the wording, confusing two groups which are basically the same... And now... All is lost.

I must say I felt happy for his Golden Globe, and had pledged to go easy on him after In Bruge anyway, which is a great movie, which I really love and which I plan to buy as soon as it's out on DVD in France, but now, I just feel empty. Confused and sad. I don't know if I will ever be able to get over it. Boyzone. All this time I've been lying.

Here's to you, Colin, if you can hear me. Here's my attempt at being forgiven.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_mZorO0AzdU

And here's my dignity, reader. Take it out with the waste.

Marche à l'ombre...

Ha ha, looks like 2009 is going to be "the year of the rants"... I have just read this article thanks to a link on the fabulously great IMDb website (this site is sooo much more than just a Yellow Pages for the movies !) and I thought it was a good top five idea. So here comes : My top 5 most annoying movie characters. This of course does not include girlfriends in movies just for the sake of it (like Kirsten Dunst, for example. She annoys me very much, especially in Wimbledon, but that's just because she's great, and all over Paul Bettany. It doesn't qualify) nor villains (because they are being annoying on purpose, and were they not here, I would be bored anyway).

And it's not in any kind of order, and it is not complete, nor eternal. In fact it will probably be different tomorrow. (I'm going to write some stuff here, and it will stay at the top of the page forever so that I don't have to write that stuff over and over again) (Done ! It's right there under my favourite websites !)

1. Jar Jar Bings. Yeah, I did get the idea of the blog from which the idea comes, but he really is the worst ever. When he appears in episode 1, you know instantly that Star Wars will never be the same again. Everytime I watch the former ones, I hope that they have not been spoilt by the new ones, and so far, they have not, but still. I resent Jar Jar Bings. I should probably create a facebook group called that. There are probably 120 facebook groups called that.

2. Buffy's riley. Spoilt one whole season out ouf not enough seasons. I resent Riley too. He has some of the most stupid dialogue lines in the history of Buffy. He looks like the perfect son-in-law, and one who would be a good step-brother to Smallville's Superman (what with the dead eyes and the stupid smile). What I liked most was when he said "I'm an anarchist". Suuuuure. And I'm Fidel Castro in a penguin outfit.

3. Legolas. Now, I will say it : I'm all for Orlando Bloom. He might look stupid and be too cute to be honest, he might even deserve a place on this website. Still, I like him. I even liked the blond wig. in fact, I'm not against Legolas himself, as such. It's just I have to revolt against the person responsible for his dialogues... I don't know if you ever noticed the amount of ridiculous things he says while running after the two kidnapped hobbits, tracked by Aragorn. Like The sun is red, this morning. A lot of blood must have been spilt last night.

You sound a lot like a drunk seaman to me, Orlando... And always stating the obvious in a dark, ominous voice... like "It's night. It's dark. I'm scared for our little furry friends, alone in the mountain". Well, My dear... "You're blond. You're lame. You dress like an ice-skating champion; You're losing me very fast". And I will ignore, here, the ridiculous scene where he surfs on a shield, because that's too much as it is to need additional comments.

4. Soooo many people in the Matrix. But I'll give the award to Monica Bellucci, just because she always gets all the credit and people are saying she's so great. REVENGE ! (Ok, that's low...) Her character has got no point, no purpose, and talks too much. This is also the case of the architect, who has no point, no purpose and talks forEVER. The Merovingian, who's played by a frenchman, is a disgrace to our great nation, and to the poor Lambert Wilson, who is in fact, not half as bad as he looks in the Matrix.

5. Lost's John Locke. I just wish he had been thrown in a hole full of dynamite in season one, exploded, and then drowned. It's not that I'm against the actor, even though he's ruining the "boeing full of models" thing... it's just that everytime there is something to be ruined... He's there to ruin it. He only talks in riddles (as if the whole island thing was not already riddly enough) and he's mean to everyone, he's a patronizing creep and he's trigger happy. I don't like him. Please make him go away.

Anyway. Anyone you find annoying, that's not on my list ?

... and a happy new yeaaaaar !!

This post is cheating a little, I've started writing it a long time ago...

Heeeeeeee hehehe, reader ! I belieeeeve I can fly ! I believe I can touch the sky...

Sorry. I've just come back from the movies, where I went with my friend V to see the latest Baz Luhrmann, "Australia". I don't know about the movie itself, really, but Hugh Jackman! Don't expect me to write anything clever and smart tonight. I've seen him with a beard. I've seen him without a beard. I've seen him in a tuxedo. I've seen him without a tuxedo. I've seen him dressed as a cow-boy. Call me, Baz Luhrman, I've got plenty of new ideas for you XD

Anyway. I'm going to try to concentrate for a second and write a brand new top 3, i.e. the top three of things which are great for everyone, but just don't work for me.

SoooOooo... *stares, dreamy eyed, at the imaginary picture of Hugh Jackman smiling*

1) Relaxation. You know how they all say relaxation is good for you and helps you... well, relax. I keep trying to do that when I can't get to sleep at night, and I imagine I'm, like, floating on the sea, or lying in the grass in a summery field. Only I have some kind of weird disease, and I start figuring out high-tech security systems for my haven of peace, which tends to make it look less like a haven of peace, and more like Guantanamo.

Besides, all the engineering it takes to implement my security system eat up at least 2 hours of my sleeping time. Let me take an example, and try to clarify things a little bit: Take the floating on an ocean thing: it's OK for 5 minutes, but then I get frightened that I'll fall asleep, and drown. So I lie down on an imaginary air mattress and I try to relax. But then I think I'm going to drift, and maybe starve to death on my mattress in the middle of the ocean... So I tie it up to the shore. But then it's not so floaty anymore. So I have to imagine a system that anchors the matress to the bottom of the ocean, without piercing a hole in it, so that it does not deflate and I don't fall in the water and drown. But then what of exposure ?

And I won't even start on the lying in a field thing. Between hayfever, the bugs in the grass and the people who might kill me in my sleep, let me tell you relaxing is not exactly the first term that jumps to my mind...

2) Waxing my legs. The ad says "smooth and silky for weeks". I say yeah! The principle is that you stick a strip of wax, covered by a paper, on you leg. Then you pull. Then the wax comes off, with the paper, and then your legs are smooth and silky for weeks, apparently. That's what happens to people in general, and it does sound like a good idea.

As for me, the paper does come off, but NOT the wax which stays attached to my leg. And then good luck with the washing the wax off your damned legs. You try rubbing them with a tissue paper soaked in oil (grease is, apparently, the only thing that does the trick), but then the tissue paper stays stuck to the wax itself... at the end of the process, you legs look like they are covered in that gross black sticky stuff that remains after you took a plaster off your finger, they are red and sore, as far from smooth and silky as they can get, and they smell like pizza and detergent. Then mostly you hate life and want to march down the street and burn you bra. But maybe that's just me.

3) Joining a spur-of-the-moment party at my flat when I feel like staying in my room. Most people would say, if you're alone doing nothing worthwhile, it's always best to get out and socialize. So when people come knock on my door and say "care to join us for a drink, my friends are here, why don't you come", I nearly always do, because it's nice to be invited, and you never know who you might meet or the cool conversations that might ensue.

I remember talking for nearly two hours with a guy in Dublin about wether or not carrots had feelings (I know they don't. They're freaky and from hell, I'm sure they can't have a heart). I'm not sure that qualifies as "cool" but it was fun, anyway.

So I get out of my room, and join the fun, and after saying hi and smiling dumbly in a corner for 5 minutes or so, I usually end up using my super escape technique, get up, pretend to dance, move step by step towards the door, and when I reach it I whisper "good night, all" very softly (so that I have an excuse to get angry and self-righteous if they ever say I was rude, leaving without saying goodbye), and then make my escape as inconspicuously as I can (Lord, is that hard to spell...)

It's the two guests out of five being completely drunk that spoil the fun. It's OK when there are 15 people, you can always find someone to talk to, but when there are only 5 or 6... Too much attention focused on you. I go all Wall-E and some mechanical voice starts screaming in my head "too much pressure," "embarrassing," "better get back to the Tardis"...

You know it, I'm my flat's official boring grand-mother. You can tell they have not seen my smooth Rihanna groove from yesterday when I brushed my teeth ! I nearly tore my second molar out when S.O.S started. I'm a party girl, once I'm alone and wearing pyjamas !

Anyway. A grinchy first post for 2009, which I wish you full of success, love, health (Hugh Jackman) and fame. Happy new year reader !!