This post is cheating a little, I've started writing it a long time ago...
Heeeeeeee hehehe, reader ! I belieeeeve I can fly ! I believe I can touch the sky...
Sorry. I've just come back from the movies, where I went with my friend V to see the latest Baz Luhrmann, "Australia". I don't know about the movie itself, really, but Hugh Jackman! Don't expect me to write anything clever and smart tonight. I've seen him with a beard. I've seen him without a beard. I've seen him in a tuxedo. I've seen him without a tuxedo. I've seen him dressed as a cow-boy. Call me, Baz Luhrman, I've got plenty of new ideas for you XD
Anyway. I'm going to try to concentrate for a second and write a brand new top 3, i.e. the top three of things which are great for everyone, but just don't work for me.
SoooOooo... *stares, dreamy eyed, at the imaginary picture of Hugh Jackman smiling*
1) Relaxation. You know how they all say relaxation is good for you and helps you... well, relax. I keep trying to do that when I can't get to sleep at night, and I imagine I'm, like, floating on the sea, or lying in the grass in a summery field. Only I have some kind of weird disease, and I start figuring out high-tech security systems for my haven of peace, which tends to make it look less like a haven of peace, and more like Guantanamo.
Besides, all the engineering it takes to implement my security system eat up at least 2 hours of my sleeping time. Let me take an example, and try to clarify things a little bit: Take the floating on an ocean thing: it's OK for 5 minutes, but then I get frightened that I'll fall asleep, and drown. So I lie down on an imaginary air mattress and I try to relax. But then I think I'm going to drift, and maybe starve to death on my mattress in the middle of the ocean... So I tie it up to the shore. But then it's not so floaty anymore. So I have to imagine a system that anchors the matress to the bottom of the ocean, without piercing a hole in it, so that it does not deflate and I don't fall in the water and drown. But then what of exposure ?
And I won't even start on the lying in a field thing. Between hayfever, the bugs in the grass and the people who might kill me in my sleep, let me tell you relaxing is not exactly the first term that jumps to my mind...
2) Waxing my legs. The ad says "smooth and silky for weeks". I say yeah! The principle is that you stick a strip of wax, covered by a paper, on you leg. Then you pull. Then the wax comes off, with the paper, and then your legs are smooth and silky for weeks, apparently. That's what happens to people in general, and it does sound like a good idea.
As for me, the paper does come off, but NOT the wax which stays attached to my leg. And then good luck with the washing the wax off your damned legs. You try rubbing them with a tissue paper soaked in oil (grease is, apparently, the only thing that does the trick), but then the tissue paper stays stuck to the wax itself... at the end of the process, you legs look like they are covered in that gross black sticky stuff that remains after you took a plaster off your finger, they are red and sore, as far from smooth and silky as they can get, and they smell like pizza and detergent. Then mostly you hate life and want to march down the street and burn you bra. But maybe that's just me.
3) Joining a spur-of-the-moment party at my flat when I feel like staying in my room. Most people would say, if you're alone doing nothing worthwhile, it's always best to get out and socialize. So when people come knock on my door and say "care to join us for a drink, my friends are here, why don't you come", I nearly always do, because it's nice to be invited, and you never know who you might meet or the cool conversations that might ensue.
I remember talking for nearly two hours with a guy in Dublin about wether or not carrots had feelings (I know they don't. They're freaky and from hell, I'm sure they can't have a heart). I'm not sure that qualifies as "cool" but it was fun, anyway.
So I get out of my room, and join the fun, and after saying hi and smiling dumbly in a corner for 5 minutes or so, I usually end up using my super escape technique, get up, pretend to dance, move step by step towards the door, and when I reach it I whisper "good night, all" very softly (so that I have an excuse to get angry and self-righteous if they ever say I was rude, leaving without saying goodbye), and then make my escape as inconspicuously as I can (Lord, is that hard to spell...)
It's the two guests out of five being completely drunk that spoil the fun. It's OK when there are 15 people, you can always find someone to talk to, but when there are only 5 or 6... Too much attention focused on you. I go all Wall-E and some mechanical voice starts screaming in my head "too much pressure," "embarrassing," "better get back to the Tardis"...
You know it, I'm my flat's official boring grand-mother. You can tell they have not seen my smooth Rihanna groove from yesterday when I brushed my teeth ! I nearly tore my second molar out when S.O.S started. I'm a party girl, once I'm alone and wearing pyjamas !
Anyway. A grinchy first post for 2009, which I wish you full of success, love, health (Hugh Jackman) and fame. Happy new year reader !!